![]() Yes, there is more than one instance of a dick being taken out during this talking penguin movie. Oh, we get our first actual dick of the movie during this hot tub scene, also: Yeah, there's a put-upon nebbish named MIKE ABROMOWITZ, who is voiced by MARIO CANTONE and it's like a whirling dervish of hackneyed stereotypes that not even six years of film theory can help me parse. Anyway, Otter Woods here sends a shorebird named Mikey Abromowitz around the world to scout for surfing talent that he can exploit and bring to the big annual surfing showdown. ![]() Giving a sleazy promoter Don King hair is so on-the-nose that it's difficult to believe, but here we are. Anyway, this otter is a surf promoter and he's voiced by James Woods, because if you need someone sleazy and Willem Dafoe isn't available, you call James Woods. This is the first of many, many questionable music cue choices, because when I think of a $100 million major-studio animated family penguin-surfing movie, of course I immediately go, "Oh, we GOTTA use the song that says, 'Sieg heil to the resident gas man.'" And then everyone else in the room goes, "Hey, YEAH!" and then we have a big money fight. I should also mention that the first montage of Penguin LaBeouf surfing (during the opening credits) is set to an instrumental version of "Holiday" by Green Day. When he's looking at the moon from atop his ice-boner, there's an Incubus song playing. At night he pines away at the moon and makes his surfboard look like a big weird ice-dong. He rides a surfboard made out of a piece of ice, because sure, why not. He is put-upon by his mother and his brother, the latter of whom is voiced by an almost criminally-underutilized Brian Posehn.Ĭody takes a bunch of guff from his family and is accused of shirking his responsibilities constantly, because all he really wants to do is surf, man. There is no reason for him to have a "job," but again, we'll get back to that later. Cody here lives in "Shiverpool, Antarctica" (cute), where he works at the fish-sorting mounds, which he readily admits doesn't make sense. That's his Big Z necklace, as you can see, which goes real well with his tribal tattoo-style penguin markings and his magnificent blonde plumage. Oh yeah, like "Cody Maverick" is a better name than "Penguin LaBeouf." PFFFFFFFFTTTTT. ![]() Of course, Big Z died during a surfing competition years ago, so there's probably no way that's going to be a plot point later, so let's just meet some characters, shall we? Who actually has a name, but "Penguin LaBeouf" is probably what I'm sticking with. He came to Antarctica and met Young Penguin LaBeouf and gave him a necklace and told him to always believe in himself, which is apparently the reason there is a documentary being made about this guy. ![]() MOVIN' ON.īig Z traveled the globe, bringing the gift of surfing to everyone (and by "everyone" I mean "mostly penguins, but almost exclusively birds"). Okay, there's a definite reason Elvis didn't take his shirt off much. Come to think of it, Elvis really didn't take his shirt off a lot for a sex symbol, did he? Hang on, I gotta GIS "Elvis+shirtless." Man, now I'm just sad Elvis didn't star in The Endless Summer. There is some old surfing footage of longboarding penguins, but Penguin LaBeouf says that things really didn't take off until a legendary surfer named Big Z showed up.īig Z was apparently like Elvis, if Elvis starred in The Endless Summer. Trust me, we're going to delve deeper into the mythological problems of this post-penguin-singularity (pengularity) universe, but for now we gotta get through this backstory so bear with me here. Well played, convoluted alternate-history montage. Okay, that ukiyo-e of a surfing penguin is pretty awesome. He starts off by telling us the history of surfing, which apparently involves cave paintings of surfing penguins. We'll get to him in a minute, believe you me. This guy with all the crap on his face is our LaBeouf avatar. Okay, so this movie is presented as though it's a documentary. So let's start talking about penguin genitals, I guess.įlash-forward several years: Bill is attempting to convince a disbelieving tax attorney that someone used to pay him to write about penguin genitals This is a sports movie and we're a sports website. ![]() It is also a movie that is obsessed with phalluses (phallii?) for some reason. Surf's Up is a movie about a bunch of surfing penguins. It stars Shia LaBeouf as an unbelievable shithead, which we're all accustomed to by now, but in this film he's a penguin! WHOOOOAAAAA.Īctually, let's start over. Surf's Up is a Sony Animation film that was released in 2007. ![]()
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